The Baby is asleep

I became a mother, more than half-a-year ago. And that must explain the long silence on the writing pad.

There was another reason, however, why I neither wrote much nor did I think enough.

Actually, I wrote, a lot – on social media. Technically, this blog qualifies as social media too. However, the regulated, clutter-free communication here is nothing like the madness of Facebook.

Last week, I went through a turmoil that was neither new nor unbeatable. But there were other factors such as new project and an increased sense of commitment towards my career. Mid-week I almost broke down for the nth time since my parenthood began. But I was aware that this time if I just let it pass, I’ll begin to get comfortable with ‘things that happen’. It was my chance to see the breakthrough.

My partner suggested I go for a therapeutic massage, and he bought me an appointment. It worked wonders. For about 60 minutes, I felt it was just me, my system, my heart and my exhausted body. I was there, with myself.

I walked back from the spa, and as I was on the way, many thoughts came back as long-lost friends. It’s true that I have no flow of time anymore to work on my ideas. 70% of the day is spent with the delightful baby, mostly with satisfaction but when it gets tough, it’s the toughest challenge always. However, the thoughts about the rest of the time is what gripped me.

“What do you do when not with your child?” 

The voice in my head got louder.

“Sometimes I try to cook, but most other times…”

“Yeah, you are on Facebook, Twitter, even when you are not looking at a screen.”

I had learned to console myself in the last few months. “Go easy on yourself; waste your life a bit. It’s okay.” But then I had always been active on Social Media, and I followed a 3-point guideline for all my stories :

  1. Is it true?
  2. Is it necessary?
  3. Is it kind?

I am not sure when and where I came across this, but Google just told me that it was said by Buddha – Thank you.

These 3 points have helped me be a useful communicator, the kind that I can sustain, build upon and spread inspiration with. I began to filter out a lot of ‘just happened and so I share’ updates; started to add meaning to everyday events and observations and trimmed judgment to be inclusive in my ideas and to expand my understanding. I must say I have had a good time being active on these wildly public channels, especially with this 3-pointer to guide me.

And today, as I post a few passive aggressive tweets and some attention seeking pictures on FB, I realize that I have lost my mentor, my light.

The search for a new one has begun and it might be a while before I find it.