The Inner Battle

by Kavita

If you read my blog, I seek your apology for my recent depressive posts. I am in the middle of a crisis that’s filled with meaningless teardrops, excessive procrastination and a severe drain of energy.

The good news is that I have experimented with, followed and plan to adopt more strategies to cope. Some of these are:

1. Follow a daily routine – It has been mildly successful but I am too worried about ‘stuff to do’ and hence I find it hard to keep up with everything, everyday. However, this worked extremely well in the past when I was stressed.

2. Always show up – I take many classes including piano, violin, writing and some self-designed lessons for other activities. I try to attend all classes and resist the urge to slack on or reschedule them.

3. Sleep – A good night’s sleep is not something that comes easy to me. In fact, as a child, I used to look for somebody to talk through the night till after a few hours, I could fall asleep. So, I have tried Melatonin supplements and been on fish-oil capsules to find 6 hours of sleep every day.

4. Exercise  – These days to swim is less pleasurable than it used to be. However, I try it or take a long walk every other day. Even on days where I haven’t had the time or will to be out there, fortunately, life demands have offered at least a 1-mile walk.

5. Brain Workout – Last week I noticed that my sadness had gained control over my thought process. The stress overload was left unattended, which converted to sadness/depression and despite a few early attempts, it reached a point where it began to dictate my day. I needed to keep my brain busy! So, I decided to memorize the steps to solve a Rubik’s cube. And now, that’s what happens in my wait-times between two activities.

6. Talk less – I have rambled a lot in the last month or so. It multiplied the misery and the laments borderline with an obsessive urge to talk. So while I need to express and weed out some of the algae, I will try not to rub it off on other people. Maybe I’ll ask more questions in a conversation next time? I need to work on this because I spoke unchecked for about one hour 2 days ago.

7. Complete a task – My biggest challenge is to reach a goal that will bring a level of satisfaction, confidence and faith in my abilities. I threw a party last week and thought it would add some confidence. Alas! I was unhappy about being passive and disorganized (although I was just hungry throughout). I’ll continue to plan for and achieve relatively smaller goals in the coming weeks.

Tonight, I work on my first SF City Guides’ tour script; wish me luck?

Thanks for reading and your love!

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