The art of decision making
She was leaving, after 7 years. But I had hung out, traveled, chatted and laughed with her for barely a few months. We met every evening we could, we shared as many meals as we could enjoy together and last night, we even had a gala send-off party with friends. So, when I gave her a goodbye hug last night, I thought that was the last time I was going to see her in this country.
She was living alone, working her life out and trying hard to make sense of her existence. She had no true companions around, until we showed up. Our friendship grew and I understood the void she was sweating out to fill. Her struggle reminded me of my days of exile; it was painful but I had survived barely 2 years, she did much better. As she was packing up the last few weeks, it was draining for me to even think about it. When I was decamping from Australia with no one to say a heartfelt goodbye to and nothing really to come back to – I thought there was no one living a worse life than I did. The task itself wasn’t tough but the emptiness was filled with ghosts of stress. Due to this, unknown to her, I was vicariously feeling her tiredness of doing things on your own. And whenever I could, I gave her company and hopefully took some load off.
Exactly at the time she was leaving today, I had a class to attend. It’s a weekly class that offers me some much-needed practice but it is not a session that I look forward to with a great sense of joy.
When I woke up today morning, there was a conference of voices in my head.
“But what about the French class?”
“Well, I do need to attend it.”
“Then shouldn’t you? You’ll lose your weekly sessions and would have to wait another week!”
“Yes I would. But do I enjoy the class?”
“No, you don’t. You still need to study right? Besides, how many times do you need to bid goodbye to her?”
“I did meet her last night but she is packing up alone. What would she be feeling?”
“She will deal with it. You don’t have to overdo it.”
“She might need help and she won’t say it. She never does.”
“I know attending the class is good for me, but if I be with her today, it will make me feel good!”
As the argument reached a conclusion, I realized that it’s one of the unsaid ways of decision-making that I follow in times like this. So, when it’s about prioritizing between ‘what makes me feel good’ and ‘what’s good for me’, I’ll always go for the feelgood factor.