Open Hand

by Kavita

Those curled up fingers that we are born with aren’t just tools to get things done. They probably represent something more, at least to some of us. Like today, when I just took a moment to stare at my fairly large hand.

It looks rough but I think that each finger has its own definition. My thumb is unusually long, bends backwards and looks like it symbolises something about my personality. At least that’s what my naivete made me believe years ago. But despite those distracting physical characteristics of my hand, I was looking at something else. I was looking at how different each finger was and how they all go so well together. And then I realised that it was my palm that binds them all. But the palm isn’t my hand without the fingers. And then I went into a train of thoughts about how those fingers were like various people I do things with and my palm was the activity that we all did together. 

People in my life are all involved deeply into something that I can share with them. Fortunately for me, my life partner is one person I can do anything with (probably why we are so madly in love). However, there are various other people I run with, I worked/work with, travel with, learn with or just share important moments with. Running, traveling, learning, sharing etc., are some of those activities that bring us together. However, the activity itself is lifeless without these people in it. Yes, I have written about ‘companionship’ before, which is around the same line of thought. However, when I was observing my hand today I wasn’t thinking about some wonderful company I have in my life. I was thinking about a failed exercise to build a companionship.

Sometimes we decide to be together just because we believe so. We meet up, share coffee with each other, share dinners and share stories. However, eventually we discover that none of these bond-building activities are really keeping us as together as we should be. Our individuality is still holding us apart and our need to fulfill our respective needs, dreams & desires are way too big to keep the common fulfillment alive. It’s so disappointing that we are driven to underestimate our own contribution or blame others. Basically there is too much conflict too often and we have very little to celebrate.

What was it that was wrong? Was the palm too small? Or were the fingers too different? I am tempted to think that the palm/activity was too superficial. Or maybe the fingers belonged to different bodies altogether. Unfortunately, there lie the fingers & the palm not fitting in any of those open hands.