FEAR

by Kavita

Not sure how long it had been since i went through anything remotely connected with the four lettered abstract noun!

Last night was a jolt to an assertive fool who almost thinks that physical power is an illusion!

Time: 10:45 PM
Place : 500 m before Delhi-Gurgaon Border checkpost

I along with the CAB driver had halted to wait for another person who was to accompany me in the CAB to his home. He had called up stating that he would catch up with us at that place. It had been 5 minutes since we stopped.
Suddenly, i saw two men tapping on the two front window screens of the car. They were asking the chauffer to lower the window panes. This chap was about to roll it down when i shouted ‘Bhaiya, Gadi Bhagao!’

Fortunately, the driver heeded the warning immediately and shot up the accelerator to speed off. Even when the vehicle was moving, i saw two more chaps on the two doors on the backside, all four of them trying hard to open the doors… We had managed to fail the attempt but were hit with two stones on the back glass of the car.

We crossed the check-post , just after which was a PCR where the guy stopped. In those few seconds, i had no clue what had gone through my head but all i said was ‘Abhi kyun ruke?’ .. I was NUMB i guess. I just thought we had to keep moving. It took few more seconds to get to myself and understand that the guy had to report the incident not for the sake of avoiding what happened but to ensure that he is not charged for the broken CAR pane.

The colleague for whom we were waiting had come by that time.

The FIR was lodged and surprisingly all four guys were caught then and there! They were found drunk. While they were being nabbed, there was a large group of filthy men all of them being dragged to the station. I now assume that it was a large group of men hiding or waiting in the bushes of MG road.

While all this was on , i was standing outside the car STILL…wondering not what could have happened but what all was wrong and incorrect at that point in time:

– I had not taken a security guard with me
– I never check the locks of the car to ensure that its sealed
– My attire yesterday was completely opposite to anything providing physical freedom to resist/fight!

There were so many mistakes!

What could have followed…rape? I can only imagine but not do justice to the trauma of those who go through it because for me over-powering is not a matter of social stigma(i don’t really care about what people might think)…but somebody forcing me to do something against my wish…causing me harm in anyway which leads me to any kind of inadequacy or dependency as the aftermath!

I am not spicing things up, these are random thoughts which crossed my mind at that hour before i gave my sister a call. She was half asleep. Parents were snoring , so they can be spared of the stuff for the time being.

I was not really sure how shaken up she was. In few minutes , i get a call from a friend and that is when i realised that my sister was scared. They had thought of coming and picking me up when i told them i already was on my way home in another company car.

Meanwhile she messages ‘sitting in front of the cooler still sweating’ …

By that time i still was high and almost laughing at the whole thing … the guy with me all the time feeling guilty that if he had not asked me to wait, none of this would have happened. I think i would have still been sleeping if this night had not woken me up.

12:30 PM , i am home .. suddenly all the hunger had hit back and i ate like a dog and burped.

I and my sister had a laugh over the fact that she had reacted to whole thing more than i did! She had gone online and started bashing her male friends for being obsessive and blah blah… We were wondering about why don’t we have women running with a knife on roads..heh! The closest we have seen them to any visible crime is pick pocketing ..

I hate any kind of sexist behavior even for the sake of debate .. but circumstances end up telling you things we don’t know or have not yet discovered ways to deal with.

I told my parents in the morning…mom as expected reacted with ‘Please quit today’ πŸ™‚
Dad i think either is too cool or did not really get the gravity of the whole thing, but i love him for keeping calm and asking me to be careful! (i bloody be…!)

_________

off-track or on-track

I wonder that the only purpose of our existence seems to be protection and security, the categories vary

-Physical
-Emotional
-Financial
-Social

and many more .. -als

____________

There is lot more to vent but i need to gear up for another day..this time ARMED!

Advertisements